Dear Britney,
You barely did this correctly the first time. The only reason people let it sort of slide is because, damn. Do you know what you used to look like?! Abs for days.
But, you know. You came down with The K-Fed and a severe addiction to Cheetos, and things changed. And by “things” I mean, “your ability to properly dress yourself for your figure or generally to be seen in public.” I just, foolishly, assumed that this was you bottoming out:
Between the offensive weave and being OUTSIDE WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU not being the same thing as inside your bedroom, I could only hope that someone would step in, shake you gently (ok, violently) and tell you to just stop it. Like, now.
But.
Then there was THIS:
Just. No. No no nononononoidnaodifndsaf. God. No.
Now, you’ve made your comeback and dialed down the crazy. Or, at least the crazy in public. I haven’t seen you in a pink wig for like, months. Progress, right?
Apparently, no:
BRITNEY.
Much like tights are not pants, SHEER SWATHS OF FABRIC OVER BRAS/BATHINGSUITS/BODY SUITS/ANY KIND OF UNDERGARMENT does not a dress make.
It just doesn’t.
Stop trying to make it happen. It won’t. And you are making my eyes hurt.
Love,
The World.
